Rev. McKinley L. Sims, M.Div.

White friends and family, let me be your pastor for a second:
Posting articles and images that hold up the narrative that systemic racism isn’t real, that “All Lives Matter” is the right response to “Black Lives Matter,” that race shouldn’t matter so why are we talking about it……
I’ve been there, too. So I know what’s going on: you are having a Grief Response.
You are grieving. It’s okay! It’s natural, it’s human to grieve a loss.
What are you grieving, you ask? What did you lose?
You’ve lost the belief that America is great. You’ve lost the belief that everything is okay right now. You’ve lost that sense of American exceptionalism that we white folks were all taught to believe in, hold onto, and defend at all costs. It’s how we grow up. Of course, it’d be important to you to hold on to it, to not lose that sense of certainty and pride….
So, you are having a grief response.
Some stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression:
Denial- we don’t have a race problem. Everyone is equal. Systemic racism isn’t real.
Anger- Racism is wrong! What about black on black crime?! Why are “they” acting that way? I’d never act that way! That’s not right!
Bargaining- here’s some articles and images that use statistics to “prove” systemic racism isn’t real, why can’t it be “All Lives Matter?”
Depression- my heart is broken for our country, why can’t we all just get along?
These are all pretty natural. You’re grieving.
Hell, I’m grieving! I don’t want the problems in our nation to be true. I don’t want the solutions to be hard. I don’t want to have to unlearn all the stuff I’ve learned that contributes to my own racism! It’s hard, it’s uncomfortable, it’s scary.
I get it. I’ve been there….I was there earlier this week!……and I’ve learned to do better.
That doesn’t make me a better person than you, and it doesn’t make you a bad person, either. It makes me a person who grieved and learned and changed to DO better, and it makes you a person with a choice.
This is America, and our choices are supposed to define us, right? So what will you choose? Will you choose to stay in the grief, bouncing between denial, anger, bargaining, and depression, or will you move through that get to the stages of Acceptance and Meaning making?
I don’t know about you, but I’m trying to keep growing, keep learning, keep doing better. I can’t unlearn all the racism I grew up with overnight, but I can start today by acknowledging my grief.
I’d be honored to help you acknowledge yours. It’s kind of my job, after all. Holler at me if you want to talk.