Rev. McKinley L. Sims, M.Div.

Excerpts from the fabulous Carol Howard Merritt’s book, Healing Spiritual Wounds: Reconnecting with a Loving God after Experiencing a Hurtful Church

(36) Ask yourself what harmful ideas you took in from your old religious tradition…..as you excavate the things you wouldn’t believe, you might feel embarrassed and frustrated. Remember that you are identifying a wound on your vulnerable, precious Soul, so be gentle with yourself.

Take time to forgive yourself.

Now spend time reflecting. Ask, “how did that belief helped me?” How did it make me the person I am? And why did I change? We believe things for a reason -– sometimes it’s what we were taught to believe, but even those things have a purpose. So we can learn to be tender with our former selves and honor the person we used to be and be thankful for how some of these beliefs and practices led the better ones.

For instance it was very resourceful for me to be a religious kid, because he’ll be able to pray. Graphing hear people say, “in a way, I’m glad I was so conservative, because I learn to memorize the Bible verses and stories.” What is your past religious beliefs do for you?

Did they help you navigate a fear of sexuality? Did they give you a sense of safety? Did they give you a good place to go to summer camp or provide a fun youth group? Or do they give you away to please connect with your parents?

As you think about your past, imagine gathering the pieces back up and reclaim them you don’t have to believe them any longer, you can just realize they make up who you are. You were resourceful to believe them at the time. You are resilient. Like growing up in a particular town, you don’t have to live there any longer, but you can acknowledge that town formed you in some way. –CHM

MS: This resonates so deeply with me. Part of my call to ministry focuses on my inhabiting the role of wounded healer. One who has been on the precipice of walking away from faith entirely, but being pulled back by some force, even when I didn’t want to be. I tried to run from Christianity, from religion, from Jesus, from Texas, from faith…but I wound up here after finding the peace that Merritt describes in her book. This shalom that passes all understanding. Reframing the crap I tried to split off from myself as only shadows has helped me see the light side of them, too. I know a bunch of hymns from lots of traditions because of my path, and I can speak a wide variety of theological languages. I’m grateful for that, even though it came along with sexism, racism, and anti-Semitism coated in American Christian imagery.

Highly recommend this book and these exercises on reframing and reclaiming stuff from our past traditions as part of the practice of healing and reconnecting to the deep Holy and Wholeness that is alive and waiting for us.